First off, I just want to say, I’m no Lady Gaga fan. Don’t let that deter you if your infatuated with the young gal, I’ll write this review as a unpartisan member of the music community, to the BEST of my abilities
Mrs Gaga is a popular singer predominantly vocalizing in the “Music” business. I place this in quotations because, well, I don’t think what she produces from her throat counts as music. That’s a story for another day. One claim to fame Lady Gaga does hold however, is her rather “unique” sense of dress. Unique in the way she mostly looks like a transsexual biker mouse from mars that dressed in the dark, and then attached some dildo shaped feathers to her dome piece. Much akin to the class mental retard who found the glitter and glue sticks while everyone else was at recess, most of her choices of fashion come out more as a “Look at me, you probably shouldn’t let me dress myself” type way than in the “I'm so edgy and new era” way she means them to. That’s not to say she isn’t getting rave reviews from the public, but as we all know the public is RETARTED. Not mentally handicapped, but full blown cranial damage, window flavor sampling, lobotomized idiocracy.
Look Maam, I get that you like sexualizing yourself in strange ways. Machine gun bras? Yeah cool I suppose, if your Madonna’s little sister and also have no problem destroying your back for a little chest support. It’s fine though, women have been mutilating themselves for fashion since the first cave woman found out that she could simply bash her own skull in to save the cave man the trouble. Generally by today’s standards, things like foot binding and corsets that destroy your internal organs are seen as unnecessary and kinda gross actually. Women have found many less catastrophic ways of debasing themselves with clothing, to see a better example of this, just Google “Sexy Big Bird” and be ready to have your childhood nostalgia assaulted on multiple fronts, and becoming sexually confused towards Muppets FOREVER.
Her music, if it can even be called that, has a general tone of “I didn’t write this, but I can read somewhat”. Poker face? Yeah, I get it you’re a terrible human. Bad romance? Yeah I get it; you’re a terrible human being who is also bad at having someone love you. Paparazzi? Yeah, I get it; you’re famous for being a terrible human being. Just dance? You like to dance, I guess… but who doesn’t? Telephone? Yeah, I get this too, you’re a terrible human being that people (for some reason) want to talk to, and in perfect fashion, and you douche it up. Sure it has a beat, and some catchy lingo, which is perfect if I wanna be drunk beyond belief dancing to some stupid tunes. For something else in this category see: “The chicken dance”. Just goes to show you that you don’t have to be good for people to keep playing the shit that no one wants to hear. I just have to say, if someone sat me down, placed a gun at my temple, and told me to play some really meaningful music, Lady Gaga would not be at the top of that particular playlist.
With all this said and done what do I think the best part of Lady Gaga? Frank Gaga, the Earl of Gaga, and many other parodies. In my honest opinion when the best thing you have going is people making fun of you, then you have succeeded. Succeeded at being the ugly kid on the playground who everyone holds down while Tommy pee’s on their jacket, to the laughter and jeers of all your classmates. So congratulations on your success… I hope you enjoy it. They say there is no such thing as bad publicity… Perhaps Mel Gibson would disagree.
Rating: 23 of 100 Meat Cumberbuns
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