Stin reviews: Atlas shrugged! (Spoilers ahead, DUH!)
About one year back, a good friend offered me some solid book advice. "Read atlas shrugged" he said, voice aloof with wonder and toil. Ill get it, someday, in the future, maybe... Fast forward 4 months, a copy of the book is mailed to me. "Jesus, OK I FUCKING GET IT, ill read your god damned book." I proclaimed at no one in particular, perhaps maybe my dog. That slut is always judging me. "I have to shit on the tv" she proclaims with her menacing eyes. "Don't use the peanut butter again, it doesn't mix with ball stank well" her ears sway into the air. FUCK YOU DOG I DO WHAT I WANT!!! Wait.... Back on topic. So, i pick up this book, kindly donated to me by an awesome benefactor, and notice the tome is rather large. Well, its not like i don't enjoy a long novel, infact as long as its good i prefer it. You know, so i dont get all into a story and have it end three pages later. Im talking to you Bearinstein Bears.
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| Just when the story gets good, Auschwitz. |
So lets get into this. The first infinity pages are quite drab. Some woman has the audacity to not be in a kitchen or something, and then there are rich people. This goes on for quite some time. In-fact, more than half of the book is dedicated to just that. Rich people complaining about being rich. Some even proclaim " Im rich, but i dont know whats going on, make me richer!". I found this irritating, and grating on my soul. Just one opalescent scene after the other, painted from the prospective that i should feel remorse for these rich twats. Oh no! Your super rich, and your wifes a cunt but you wont divorce her? I feeel sooooo bad for you right now! Its hard for me to even write a clever joke about how much i hatred this portion of the book. I would seriously get angry, and have to stop reading, or i might have gone down to the orphanage, adopted a child, named it One percent, and just spent the rest of my life torturing it.
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| Your going to live in a cage in the basement! |
This seriously hindered my progress through the book. Id read 15 pages a month, and lose 30% of my hair. I trudged through this slower than Bea Arthur would a pool of Whinny the poo's shit (Hint: High honey content.). But trudge i did. Something strange happened now. I knew the characters, and started to care a little about their plight. The set pieces were changing into, well something other than the gold plated caviar warehouses they were before. A story emerged! I became engrossed. This is where page one should have been. Dagney Taggart could now finally show her true form. Oh and show it she did. On the glistening pubic hair of each and every character she saw. Sincerely, from this point forward, it is obvious that MRS Rand was in need of a good stuffing. Every person whom was on team "good people" was described with eloquent beauty, and excellent physique. The bad guys, or team "Doo doo faces" were generally repugnant, rotund, and smelled of burning hair. It was a slight detrimental sight when every person on her side was not only beautiful, but also wanted to do her so hard, that they would wait in line to do so.
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| "Beauty goes deeper than skin beast, i mean, your loaded! I mean i love you." |
Now we are up to the last third of the book. We went from "God i hate these rich faggots" to "God i want to fuck these good looking rich faggots" while some other rich faggots plotted to become richer faggots without doing any of the hard intense labor it takes to become a rich faggot. You know, like the real world. Where rich people work really hard and "deserve" all the money they have because their such hard working awesome people. This is where the main stage of the book comes into play. The hard working rich people stand up and say "No longer will i make you rich, go fuck yourself, im leaving!" and they do. The whole 30 of them leave. Now the country is in real trouble they look around and say "Holy shit, 30 people is all that kept us from turning into Bosnia!". Yes, just remove a few people from the equation, and it all goes to shit. This premise is based upon the idea that within the system of this economy in the book, the beed of your fellow man take priority over your earned wealth. This breeds the "looter" who is all "Im not working if i can get it for free". He has babies, and lets you buy the formula. He gets hungry, and takes the sandwich from your mouth. He takes shits, and makes you wipe his ass.
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| Im waiting, I NEED charmin, not the cheap shit. |
And so it goes. More people want/need less people do. To the point where people just quit. They get fed up with this shit, and people just keep leaving. The original dudes that said fuck it, set up a version of the disney ride "Its a small world" where there were no damn dirty poor and dumb people to thwart their way of life. They all had double lives here, their normal job, and something that helped the community they lived in. They all also completed their best work in their feilds while at their "happy place". Most seemed reasonable such as a composer who wrote his hottest jam here and didnt want MTV to use it for the real world theme song, so he never dropped the album. Some were ridiculous like the doctor who perfected a method of brain surgery that all but eliminated deaths during the procedure. He didnt get that published because... he didn't want people getting rich off his ideas.
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| ... i COULD help, but i wont because your stealing my idea about not dying. |
Another of the MAIN characters develops an electrical generator that runs on bird shit or something, and wont let anyone use it. Sure, General Electric could get a hold of it, and charge homeless people 3 cents for a year worth of electricity, but shit son... Those homeless faggots didnt EARN IT. Neither did general electric. YOUR ALL TRYING TO TAKE MY SHIT AND I WONT LET YOU! The entirety of the world seems rather absent in the book. Africa needs energy, DIDNT EARN IT. Burma needs medicine? DIDNT EARN IT. This whole idea of earning what you need only for you, and never anyone else is... kinda fucking stupid. Sure, people take advantage of a system that helps people. The alternative? If you take a sick day, your fired. You broke you leg and cant be an olympic sprinter anymore? Oh, well good thing your so smart you have three backup doctorates. No? You dont... Oh just go get a job down... They said they dont need you there because you have no skills? Its ok man, just invent a perpetual motion engine and you'll be fine... You dont know what perpetual is... Idiot. Guess your Soylent toilet paper now fool.
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| When hungry just eat you, then grow more you! perfect! |
These people seem to think that if they just let it all burn, they can rebuild. Yeah, sure. Not in anyway will any of you have kids who will grow up to be a self entitled faggot who's dad rebult the world. Not ONE asshole will grow up in that world. NOT ONE. Good job you fixed it! And all you had to do was let everyone who was not as smart and capable as you die. Everyone who also happened to not be beautiful, white, blond and.... OMG...
Overall, a good book of fiction, which from a philosophical point amounts to little other than "Screw you, ILL DO IT MYSELF!"
Stin rates it: 85 perfectly squared shoulders out of 100.
