So i purchased this little Crysis game a little bit ago. My computer was only Direct X 10 compliant, but still managed to run it on average settings. It was beautiful still, at that mediocre resolution. Enemies feel super aware of their own situation, and also were able to snipe me in the gonads from three miles away whenever i poked my face out around the side of a mountain. When i heard the prequel was announced, i was elated... overjoyed really, until i read this: "...will also be simultaneously released on consoles...". THE FUCK? It surprised me. Now, Ive been console gaming since the Atari 2600, and have nothing but respect for how nice it is to not have to upgrade to a new 500 dollar card every 6 months. Being that as it is, I previously held crysis in high regard for its incredible feats of glorious graphics. So much so that it was a staple of performance. If i built a computer for someone, a selling point would be that it "can run crisis on high". Just as FarCry before it, it was heralded as such throughout the community. A new benchmark. A high achievement. A reason to let Nvida fuck your wallet with their profit dick. So naturally, seeing this game come to consoles brought me pains of the chest. I know the 360/PS3 combo are no slouches, and can hold their own given proper programming and refinement, but this is crisis were talking about here... Do they really think were that stupid? Do they think we'll just buy it because it has a number after its name??? DO THEY THINK I WILL SETTLE FOR LESS THAN THE BEST???
Yes... They do...
Ports have long been the bain of many a user. For Crysis to join the list of shit, it was near unspeakable.
So i bought it.
It supported 3D, and this i suspected was going to be just as shit as COD:BO's "3D" Boy was i mistaken. I switched that fucker on and BAM! Instant awesome. My pussy got wet. The hud looked like it was in my face, and everything else as it should. Looking down the sights was particularly dope. I mean literal dope. It was as if i injected heroin straight into my eyes, and i couldn't get enough. Seriously... It was out of control. It was better than the first time i saw a boob...
Not that good in hindsight
Ok, so the game LOOKS good, not as super awesome as the PC im sure, but good... Lets check out the gmaeplay. Controls felt tight, but i haven't been in a fight yet, they might fall to shit at first contact. I mean the back of the case states that i get to fight enemies who are super intelligent, and react realistically. I expected this to mean "Cheat like a motherfucker and face fuck you when your in line of sight while raping babies" just as they did in the first game. Boy was i mistaken. The VERY FIRST enemy i come across i just running into a wall... Why? That shit was in his way, and CELL operatives divert their course for no masonry. "Oh jesus" i said, "This is going to make me adopt a dog from the pound, just so i have something around to beat whenever i think of this game" i said. Clearly, the AI was not all that awesome, and not something to be toted as a selling point.
You know what.... im too hung over for this shit.
Its good. Go buy it, and if you can, fuck your face with the 3D. Its worth it. Better than a handjob from goro.
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